blueeyedcub13

 

"Men are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

Unexpected bubble of love from those in a place I've not appreciated in this manner...I decided to join some folks for beer yesterday afternoon.  Like a flood I was quickly surrounded by arms, furr and kisses.  A dozen or so of people that I've not ever considered that they see me as much more than a bar aquintance never left my side, front, or back.  It was a BIG bubble of men who love me for me.  They never let me out of their sight...a couple of them even walked to the restroom with me a few times without me asking.  I didn't feel the need to be "protected" but the simple gesture was comforting.  I received (dove in head first) kisses from my sweet sexy "jello shot" friend...For a few moments while kissing him...everything seemed normal and good.  

Funny...I found peace in a place unexpected...because of those wonderful men in my life.

 

Has ended, has started....shock, expectation gone wrong, pain, speechless, tears, tears rushing down my cheeks, unaware of time passing, dreams, flooding emotions, apparent lack of emotions, broken dreams, sleep, no sleep, smells, sounds, phrases, promises, regrets, requests of protecting others hearts, holding, touching, kissing, heart, soul, memory, & memories. ......things of current thought....

It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted but I'm going to do a Summary Version...

Christmas '07:  Memorable, Quiet, warm, snowy, cuddly, giving, beautiful, sexy, & wonderful.  It's been a long time coming that I wake up, on that day that marks everyone's calendar,  to a warm body that doesn't let go of me through the night.  I wake up before sun up to find that for the first time ever in my life it's snowing on Christmas morning.  I climb back into my bed and whisper to Connor that "it's snowing"...it's so beautiful outside.  I curl back up behind him and fall back to sleep.   A couple hours later we wake up and sit to unwrap the gifts we've bought for one another...the gifts that Connor has been so impatiently wanting to give me before that morning.  :)  Just like a little kid.   We slept/relaxed the rest of the afternoon and finished off a wonderful Holiday with two friends by watching a blood laden alien movie on it’s opening day (Alien Vs Predator 2)  It was more fun to witness everyone’s expressions verses the movie.

New Years '07/'08:  WARM!, SUNNY!, WARM!, SUNNY!, oh, wait, I said that already....yes, I met my sexy man in warm sunny Phoenix for the approaching New Year.  He had flow down just a couple of days prior to my arrival.   I've never been to Arizona...so different than any place I've been before.  I was enamored with  the different types of cacti.  It was greener there than I had imagined.  There was no disappointment to be had.   On New Years Eve we ventured down to Tucson for the evening.  It was fun and laid back...with the exception of Buster's Balloon Contest...of which I won twice!  I guess I do have a decent set of lungs. :) lol  Midnight came, the best part of ANY Holiday for me.  I was so happy to be there to kiss such a wonderful man on the stroke of midnight...the energy flowing, everyone shouting the countdown.  The reason I love that moment is you always remember what you were doing at the moment in the year.  To have that memory of who you are with and who it has that has your full attention, makes the Year, the minute, the second...  

Happy New Year!  To a WONDERFUL, prosperous 2008!

I'm thinking "too much"...or do I always?  Yes, I do.  I'm thinking of friends, past lovers, family....wondering if the right decisions were made and if karma was correct in bringing me to the place where I stand now.  I don't know but I do know that this isn't the last time I'll get to experience life and figure it out.  I'm happy, I'm hurting, but I'm not hiding anymore.  I want to embrace everything and feel it to the fullest...AHHHHH...even when it hurts/stings.  I miss the loves' that I've felt.  I guess I miss my family as well...is it the Holiday that is responsible, the season?

I do know...I know that I'm looking forward to spending the break of a new year with a man that is opening up my heart and eyes a bit more, each day. 

I haven't been great about posting anything since I've created this profile and it's nagging at me.  Life isn't granting me much "me" time lately.   Work is CRAZY busy...plus it's the holidays.  The last 7 days have been trying...my vehicle was physically assaulted by a Looney tow truck driver.  A TOTAL tool!   I had to call the police and press charges against him.  The charges were disturbing the peace and destruction of private property.  That made for a rattling evening last week.  I wasn't in any mood to let it go as I had worked 11 hour days all week.

Onto more positive thoughts/things...I decided to have my ears re-pierced...ummm, I love them but it WOW did it hurt, although not nearly as bad as a couple years back.  This look certainly tones down the "innocent" look that I've been told to have.  I am innocent, NO, really, I am.  

I finally got my tree up last weekend...it seems to be more work every year.  I figure that's because my free time is bit more scarce than in past years.  That being said, I'm happy that I did it because I really enjoy the finished product.  It's nice to feel the accomplishment.   I just took some photos and attempted to upload them so that I could post them...and damn it!. the batteries died on me.  lol.  

My happy place right now is opening my eyes in the morning to see such a handsome man that's holding me so close.  The thought of that makes me smile no matter what is going on at that moment.

Life is seemly so random but when you take a moment to turn around and see the path from which you've traveled it suddenly becomes clearer that life isn't so random...it's thoughtful, planned and constructed.  Connections you've made may or may not open up new doors but it's intriguing to ponder on what the outcomes may be.  Four years ago I found myself quite stricken with infatuation for a man I've never met.  Over the course of the year I would look for him on a weekly basis in the building I was working in.  Last winter, the time came where I found comfort in that mans arms and in his bed.  Destiny?...I wondered...yes, it was.  But not for the reasons I once thought were so certain.  It was another stepping stone in this path, in this journey.  It's opened a new chapter in my life.  One I couldn't have foreseen or possibly even been open to at an earlier fork in the road.  The lessons I've been given over the last 2 years in particular have been "speed lessons" for me, as though I needed to be brought up to speed so that I could be receptive to gifts in this life.   Pain, ya, there has been pain...but I'm finding that this how I'm growing so quickly.  The pain has been a catalyst to the wonderful transformations in me.  

Although there could have been a multitude of paths taken to bring to where I am right now, in the arms of a wonderful man, Connor...it's nothing short of intriguing to see how it is that I've arrived at this new chapter.  I'm happy. 

Great weekend, busy weekend, & good company.    

I spent the entire morning and afternoon Saturday putting up the 9 ft Christmas Tree at work.  Turned out great, everyone at work appeared to be very happy to have it up already.  Now I need to find the time to put mine up.  I'll post pictures of the one at work if I can just remember to bring my camera.  

Dinner on Saturday evening was a hoot!  Mark nearly had me in tears a couple times...he was "ON" the whole evening.  WOW, I couldn't keep with myself if I was that ON.  :)  After dinner, ended up taking a quick trip up the office to show off the Tree to Connor...his opinion counted greatly to me.  Then...to the W...hmmmm...very familiar place lately.  

I'm faced with yet another busy week...and then weekend.  Makes the time pass by too quickly...Is it 2008 yet? 

SO...I find myself at a new starting point in the world of the web.  I'd like to think of this as a way to get to know new people and as a birthday gift to myself as I just celebrated my 31st birthday.  It's a new year for me, a new start and I have everything going for me...   I'm not feeling melancholy about another birthday, like I thought I might.  Although I'm certainly feeling the overwhelming urge to make some changes and to push myself in a more positive direction.  I'm not where I want to be in my life but I'm realizing that I can't spend time wallowing in grief that I'm not "there" yet...that time needs to be spent getting "there".  I'm certain that I'm not the only man thinking these things...?  

I'm in a place where I can see myself internally shouting to the Universe, "I'M OPEN & RESCEPTIVE".  I know that I have to be...I'm only 31!!...I have so much more to learn...I have so much more life to live.  I'm finding my creative self again.  That is the key for me...the key to getting where I want to be.  When I'm creative, I'm ON...fully connected and energy flowing.  Without that, I become lost and fail at even the simplest tasks.  Creativity is the thing that grounds me, it makes me happy, it's how I grow and learn.